Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 120 of 235

Section Two - "Alexander"

Alexander the Great's mummified corpse is a thing. It is in the sarcophagus. Alexander the Great's mummified corpse can be male. It is male. The description of the mummified corpse is "The corpse is dry and dessicated, wrapped in bandages (which seem to have a rather embarassing hole). Where exposed, the leathery skin is pallid green. Alexander was surprisingly short and slight." Check taking the mummified corpse: instead try fucking the mummified corpse. Instead of smelling the mummified corpse, say "The corpse smells of sun-baked dust." Understand "Alexander", "bandages", "mummy", "Great", "pallid", "dry", "dessicated", "dust", "dusty", "leather", and "leathery" as the mummified corpse. Instead of fucking the mummified corpse, try fucking Alexander's anus. Instead of kissing, rubbing, touching, wanking off, sucking, tasting, blowing, or eating the mummified corpse, say "Ick. Also pointless, since he's dead." Instead of searching the mummified corpse, say "The bandages wrap the corpse tightly, except for a roughly-torn hole just over Alexander's anus. Some people have no respect for the dead." Instead of doing anything other than examining with the mummified corpse when the player is not in the sarcophagus: say "You'd have to get into the sarcophagus to manipulate the body." Instead of looking under the mummified corpse, try searching the mummified corpse.

Rule for printing the name of the mummified corpse while listing contents: say "Alexander's dessicated corpse".

Alexander's anus is an anus. It is a part of the Alexander the Great's mummified corpse. It is scenery. Rule for deciding the concealed possessions of Alexander's anus: yes. The description of Alexander's anus is "There is a roughly-torn hole in Alexander's bandages, just over his anus. Some people evidently have no respect for the dead." Understand "rough", "roughly", "torn", "roughly-torn", and "hole" as Alexander's anus. Instead of inserting the stiffycock into Alexander's anus, try fucking Alexander's anus. Instead of buggering Alexander's anus, try fucking Alexander's anus. Instead of kissing, rubbing, wanking off, sucking, tasting, blowing, or eating Alexander's anus, try kissing Alexander. Check taking Alexander's anus: instead try fucking Alexander's anus. Instead of inserting the toga into Alexander's anus, say "It's a toga, not a thong. There's not even remotely enough room." Instead of touching Alexander's anus, say "Your fingers encounter nothing, but the hole is deeper than they are long." Instead of smelling Alexander's anus, try smelling the mummified corpse.

Instead of searching Alexander's anus:

if Alexander's anus does not contain anything

begin;

say "You cram two fingers as far as they will go into Alexander's anus, [run paragraph on]";

if the mummified corpse is not warned_about

begin;

say "and you can just feel something sharp and crinkly. You can't quite get a grip on it, though.";

otherwise;

say "but encounter nothing.";

end if;

otherwise;

let o be a random thing in Alexander's anus;

say "Your questing fingers encounter [a o], which you fling to the floor of the sarcophagus.";

move o to the sarcophagus;

end if.

Instead of fucking Alexander's anus:

if the stiffycock is not held by the player, instead say "You are not undressed for the occasion.";

if the mummified corpse is not warned_about

begin;

say "You glance around furtively, and smack your dick to full erection and ram it home in the anus of Alexander the Great. [run paragraph on]";

if Alexander's anus does not contain anything

begin;

say "It's really not too bad. A few minutes later, you're getting very much into the rhythm of things, and you grab Alexander's bony hips and thrust forward to deliver your orgasm.";

say "[line break]Three things happen. First, there's a nasty cracking sound from his pelvis. Second, you sigh as a torrent of sperm escapes its confinement. Third, [bold type]EEAGH PAPERCUT[roman type]!";

say "[line break]You withdraw, clutching your wounded penis, and a scrap of papyrus flutters to the floor of the coffin.";

record "Alexander the Great's corpse" as achieved;

now the mummified corpse is warned_about;

move the jagged papyrus fragment to the sarcophagus;

otherwise;

let o be a random thing in Alexander's anus;

say "Your cock slams into something obstructing Alexander's anal passage. It's hard to be sure, but it feels like [a o]. That sure killed the mood.";

end if;

otherwise;

say "The memory of paper cuts dissuades you.";

end if.