Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 126 of 235

Section Two - "Humbertian Ledger"

The guest ledger is a book in the Hotel Metropole. It is scenery. Check taking the guest ledger: instead say "It's chained firmly to the counter." Understand "grubby", "greasy", "chained", "chain", "entry", "entries", and "book" as the guest ledger. The guest ledger has a number called guests_seen. The guests_seen of the guest ledger is 0. The contents of the guest ledger is the Table of Guests.

Instead of examining the guest ledger:

let N be the number of rows in the Table of Guests;

let S be the guests_seen of the guest ledger;

if S > N - 4

begin;

say "You flip aimlessly through the ledger, learning nothing new.";

stop the action;

end if;

if Eugenides is horny and the location of Eugenides is the Eugenidean Boudoir and the guest ledger is not handled

begin;

choose row 1 in the Table of Guests;

say "[How entry] [where entry] of the ledger, you find '[name entry], [hometown entry] - Room [roomnumber entry].'";

if the clerk is handled

begin;

if Eugenides is boinked

begin;

say "The clerk smirks. 'That's what I said.'";

otherwise;

say "The clerk rolls his eyes at your suspicion. He mutters, 'Told you so.'";

end if;

end if;

if there is no seen entry

begin;

increase S by 1;

now the guests_seen of the guest ledger is S;

now the seen entry is 1;

end if;

now the guest ledger is handled;

stop the action;

end if;

choose a random row in the Table of Guests;

while there is a seen entry

begin;

choose a random row in the Table of Guests;

end while;

now the seen entry is 1;

increase S by 1;

now the guests_seen of the guest ledger is S;

now the stored row is the current row;

follow the printing-a-guest rule.

Instead of consulting the guest ledger about a topic listed in the Table of Guests:

if the name entry is "Clare Quilty" or the name entry is "Dolores Haze" or the name entry is "Humbert Humbert"

begin;

say "There is, of course, no entry for '[name entry].' Nevertheless: [italic type]touchè[roman type], reader[70 as a reference][32 as a footnote]!";

otherwise;

now the seen entry is 1;

now the stored row is the current row;

follow the printing-a-guest rule;

end if;

now the seen entry is 1.

This is the printing-a-guest rule:

choose row stored row in the Table of Guests;

if there is no roomnumber entry, now the roomnumber entry is a random number between 1 and 20;

if there is no where entry

begin;

if a random chance of 1 in 3 succeeds

begin;

now the where entry is "near the front";

otherwise;

if a random chance of 1 in 2 succeeds

begin;

now the where entry is "somewhere in the middle";

otherwise;

now the where entry is "towards the end";

end if;

end if;

end if;

if there is no how entry

begin;

if a random chance of 1 in 3 succeeds

begin;

now the how entry is "Scrawled";

otherwise;

if a random chance of 1 in 2 succeeds

begin;

now the how entry is "Fastidiously printed";

otherwise;

now the how entry is "Neatly written";

end if;

end if;

end if;

say "[How entry] [where entry] of the ledger, you find '[name entry], [hometown entry] - Room [roomnumber entry].'"

Table of Guests