One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Book Three - "Argus"

Argus is a man. "Argus lounges insouicantly here, his hundred eyes twinkling as he contemplates you." The description is "Hundred-eyed Argus watches you from twenty or thirty of them." The default reply of Argus is "Argus says nothing, but waggles an eyebrow or six." The conversation of Argus is the table of Argus's chatter.

Instead of asking Argus about anything when Argus is boinked, say "You're no longer on speaking terms."

Table of Argus's Chatter

topic	reply	summary	turn stamp
"Argus/himself"	"'I see all. Cheater.'"	"he claims to see everything, and reminded you that he caught you cheating"	a number
"me/Eris/Discordia"	"'I'd hit it.'"	"he'd like to have sex with you"	--
"Syra"	"'Some schnozz on that girl. Good ride, though!'"	"he thinks Syra's nose is big, but she's a good lay"	--
"Stiffy/Makane/Macanus/Lucius/Mentula" or "Lucius Macanus Mentula" or "Stiffy Makane" or "Macanus Mentula"	"'I couldn't care less about your little hero.'"	"he doesn't care about Stiffy"	--

Argus's erection is a penis. The description is "Argus's erection throbs with vivid purple veins." Understand "vivid", "purple", "hardon", "hard-on", "vein", "veins", "rod", "junk", "prick", "wang", "dick", "schween", "passer", "sparrow", "schlong", "pecker", "genitals", "penis", and "cock" as the Argus's erection.

Argus's eyes are things. The description is "Lots and lots and lots of eyes." Understand "eye", "eyebrow", "eyebrows", "sleepy", "half", "lowered", "half-lowered", "lid", "eyelid", "lids", and "eyelids" as Argus's eyes.

The god-spooge is a thing. The description is "Ew. It's all in your hair and wings and everywhere.". Instead of tasting or eating the god-spooge, say "You've had quite enough." Instead of smelling the god-spooge, say "You can't smell anything else." Understand "spooge", "semen", "sperm", "slime", "cum", and "skeet" as the god-spooge. Instead of dropping the god-spooge, say "If only you could."

Instead of sucking, touching, rubbing, fucking, blowing, kissing, or wanking off Argus's erection, try fucking Argus.

Instead of sucking, touching, rubbing, fucking, blowing, kissing, or wanking off Argus:

say "With a resigned sigh, you squat down and go to work on Argus's penis. His ejaculation is surprisingly quick. Before you can get up, though, another hard-on pops up between two different eyes. 'Oh,' smirks Argus. 'I probably should have mentioned. I have a hundred of [italic type]these[roman type] too.' You descend into what is basically a demented game of Whack-a-Mole. Several hours later, you're finally done, sore in every orifice, your throat raw, your hands a mass of blisters, your wings and hair beslimed with god-spooge.[paragraph break]Argus folds his hands across his chest. 'Oh, that was nice. Go on, Eris, put your little hero on the board. Only in Hades, though. But I'll let you stand him up if you like.'";

increase the score by 100;

now Argus is boinked;

now the blisters are part of Divine Eris;

now the god-spooge is part of Divine Eris;

now the description of Divine Eris is "Ugh. You need a shower.";

now the description of the big black wings is "Ick. It's going to take a lot of shampoo to get all that spooge out of your wings.";

now the description of Erisian black hair is "Yuck. You'll have to wash your hair quite a lot to get all that semen out of it.";

now the description of the basic black dress is "It's time for a new dress.";

now the description of Argus is "Hundred-eyed Argus watches you from under the sleepy, half-lowered lids of twenty or thirty of them.".

Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 164 of 235